thoughts about going home

I do think I have to stay in our country for good. 

I’m so lucky to have the opportunity of visiting home (Philippines) as often as I want. I started to work here in Korea last 18th of March, 2005. Since then, I was in Pinas almost every year. My first vacation was December 24, 2005 - January 22, 2006. Then I decided to invite my parents and cousin and they stayed here from October 21, 2006 to January 3, 2007. On December 30, 2007, I went back to Pinas again and stayed until February 2, 2008.

It was emotionally difficult for me to leave the country ‘coz my mom suffered brain stroke during my vacation. Bedridden and has a world of her own. It’s so so painful to see her like that. She changed from a cheerful mom to what seemed to be an autistic bedridden child. Her sunny personality changed in just a snap. I can bear to have 100 heartaches than seeing any of my parents in this situation.

How will they survive each day if I will leave my parents? My sister has her own family na and residing quite far from our place. So parents ko lang who are both senior citizens will be living on their own. Wawa naman. At that time, I was trying to weigh which is important - being with my parents during those trying times and just when they physically need me most or financially provide for them which is crucial for my mom’s recovery?  

Waaaa that was so tough. Papano mamamalengke ang father ko kung bedridden ang mom ko? Nakakaawa naman kung silang 2 lang ng parents ko ang magkasama and hindi naman sanay sa gawaing bahay ang father ko. I had no choice. I really want to be with them but I need to provide money for my mom to recover fast, and so I left with a heavy load.

Such load affected me so much. I became loner at work ‘coz I don’t want to hear the “how are you” question. I know I’m not ok. My personal relationships suffered. My own health suffered. However, I was able to give my family the financial support for my mom’s medications and she gradually improved.

May 10 to 18, 2008, I was in Pinas again to personally see my parents and submit my self to some medications too. I’m so happy to see that my father is ok and my mom can walk and almost back to normal. I told my self that I made the right decision to leave them first in the hands of the doctors, nurses, therapists, relatives and friends. Not to mention my sister and her family who took time to regularly check my mom out of their busy and demanding schedule.

Now, I’m back to the question of whis is important between good opportunity abroad and my parents? I know the answer but I also work here for my parents. Tough huh.

Hours from now, I will be flying back to Philippines again. It’s heaven to personally see my parents in good condition.

I do think I have to stay in our country for good.